I started having some cramping with my pregnancy a few weeks ago, and wasn't too worried about it after looking online and talking to my brother-in-law, being that I hadn't had any bleeding. Last Thursday late afternoon and evening I started having really strong cramps. I went to bed that night, and woke up Friday morning to a small amount of bleeding. I called the doctor and they asked to go in for an ultrasound. So Mike and I went in to get an ultrasound at 11:00am. They did the ultrasound and I asked Mike how he felt about it, all he could say was "not good". I was almost 11 weeks pregnant so we could see many of the features of our baby. We waited for the tech to come and tell us what the doctor wanted us to do, she came in and told us that the doctor wanted us to come in at 2pm that afternoon. She didn't want to send us away not knowing anything so she told us that she didn't see a heartbeat. I stared off into space, it was like time stood still for a brief second. We walked into the waiting room and I completely fell apart, Mike just hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. The doctor called me and few minutes later and told me to come in right away. We went to the doctors office and she went over our options with us, gave me a couple of prescriptions for pain and we were on our way with D&C scheduled for Tuesday (today). We went about our weekend as normal as possible and then went in for the D&C today. Once we got there and I was getting prepped my doctor came and talked to me and we decided to do another ultrasound to see if I had been able to pass everything on my own. I was and ended up not having to go through with the D&C. That was probably the only blessing I could see in this whole experience.
This has been such an emotional time and a time that I have been asking a lot of "why me's?" I know that Heavenly Father has a plan in place and this was part of that. In trying to keep an eternal perspective I have had a small amount of peace in knowing that I will get to see my baby someday. For now I just have to allow myself to cry and cling to Mike and Lizzy and do the very best I can to continue moving forward. I love my Savior and I know I have felt his arms around me through this difficult time.
